powerful questions

Intentional Listening Means Being Curious

Are We Listening? Maybe. But How?

Chances are good that we don’t think much about how we listen. We just do it as we always have.

Maybe when we were younger, we were told to be quiet while someone else was speaking. Maybe we listen harder when we hear someone purposefully whispering or talking about us. The truth is, we generally don’t listen with the intention to do it well or to be helpful.

When we don’t know how to or don’t try to listen well, the conversation may not often go much beyond small talk. We may divert the conversation away from what the speaker wanted to say or cut it off before something important is said. We may even be unhelpful when we divert the conversation back to ourselves.

Add Curiosity To Your Listening

If you’re thinking listening is hard with certain people, keep reading, there is good news! The good news is that to have curiosity in a conversation is simply a relief! It means that you don’t need the answers. You can slow down and relax into the conversation, and simply rely on your innate sense of curiosity.

The first step to listening mastery is to be aware of our tendencies. In other words, knowing how we usually listen. Once we know that, we can try to improve it. Having a framework helps, of course!

So, here’s the framework we teach at TeamCatapult.

Framework for Listening

There are three levels of listening, according to “Co-Active Coaching: Changing Business, Transforming Lives” by Henry and Karen Kimsey-House.

Level I is called “Internal Listening”
Level II is called “Focused Listening”
Level III is called “Global Listening”

Internal Listening

This is the most common form, so you may recognize it. While we’re listening to someone else, we’re actually paying attention to our own thoughts. Our responses tend to be about ourselves, not the other person. Some examples are:

A: “I just went to Spain last week.”

B: “Oh, nice! I love Spain! I was there about 3 years ago.”

And, if we do ask a question, it tends to ask for data, something the person can answer pretty easily, usually with a “yes” or “no”.

A: “I was in Barcelona”

B: “Oh, did you go to the Sagrada Familia? That’s my favorite place there.”

Here is a work-related example of Level 1 listening:

A: “I need to talk to you about my team.”

B: “You and everyone else. My teams are falling behind this week too.”

A: “I’d like to try something new.”

B: “Have you already talked to John about it?”

Focused Listening

The objective is to listen for meaning (content, empathy, clarification, collaboration). If we ask a question, it continues the thread that was already started and hopefully, causes the person to share again.

A: “I just went to Spain last week.”

B: “Oh, nice! What attracted you to Spain?”

A: “My son just finished a semester there.”

B: “Wonderful. How did he like it?”

And, a work-related example of Level II listening:

A: “I need to talk to you about my team.”

B: “Okay, what’s going on?”

A: “I’d like to try something new.”

B: “Say more, I’m curious.”

Notice that in Level II listening, the focus remains on the person speaking. The listener may have thoughts about how the topic relates to him or her, but still keeps the focus on the other person.

Global Listening

The conversation objective is to listen for depth (intent, emotion and intuition). At this level of listening, sometimes we hear what isn’t said, or we notice something about the way in which something is said. We may notice facial expressions, changes in tone or body language.

A: “I just went to Spain last week.”

B: “Oh, nice! What attracted you to Spain?”

A: “My son just finished a semester there.”

B: “I noticed your whole face lit up when you said that!”

A: “I always wanted my children to have an international experience, so I’m just thrilled!”

And, for that work conversation:

A: “I need to talk to you about my team.”

B: “Okay. You seem stressed. What’s going on?”

A: “Yeah, I am very stressed out.”

B: “How could I help you release some stress before we talk about your team?”

Careful and Intentional Listening

As an Agile coach, we aim to be helpful and being helpful requires careful and intentional listening. That’s why it’s a fundamental skill to master. Not only will the skill of listening help you in professional settings, but it works wonders with a spouse, children and friends too. It starts with listening in ways that suspend judgment and communicate curiosity and respect.

When we master listening, we are able to reach new levels of conversations, likely deeper and more meaningful ones. We can even help someone learn about him or herself too. This is important because our role as Agile Coach is not to teach or give answers but to facilitate self-awareness and draw out the knowledge, creativity and resourcefulness that is already within someone.

Although the “Global Listening” may not feel natural at first, the good news is that it’s possible to practice the three levels of listening in every single conversation! Notice what level you usually use, then challenge yourself to move up one level and stay there for as long as you can. If you slip back into level I by talking about yourself, that’s okay. It’s common. Just notice it and go back to level II listening, staying focused on the other person.

Practice The Three Levels of Listening!

As you practice this, notice how the conversation goes. Does it feel different than other conversations? In what way? Notice how much you can learn about the other person. Did they tell you anything surprising? Notice where the other person takes the conversation and remain curious. As we coaches like to say… “Notice what you notice!”

Designing Your Meetings With Purpose

Responsibilities of a Facilitator

Your role as facilitator no longer depends on your opinion or even on your expertise about the content.

A facilitator has the responsibility to assess the situation, the people and plan productive meetings, all while remaining neutral and staying out of the content.

Your role as facilitator no longer depends on your opinion or even on your expertise about the content.

Realizing that content is no longer the facilitator responsibility but perhaps more of an outcome, an effective facilitator will focus on planning each meeting to assist in improved team efficiency and productivity.

The Facilitator and The Meeting

Some think that the facilitator is the “person in charge.” Rather than “charging your way” through a process, a meeting, or a team, there are three things that will help you bring focus to this role:

What: Only focus on those topics that are important and useful to all or most of the people in the meeting
Who: Only invite those people who need to understand, buy into, or act on the topics being discussed
Why: Give people the information they need in order to understand why they’re at the meeting.

The Result: Good Collaboration

Good collaboration doesn’t just happen. It takes forethought, intention and a keen sense of human nature. Human nature? Yep! Understanding how people get triggered and how people feel respected is part of the role as facilitator. Plan a process for a group of people that minimizes conflict and maximizes productivity. That takes skill, logic, intuition and a lot of practice.

If, for example, you need the group to arrive at decisions, then you’ll need to structure the process to get them there. Chances are good they cannot go straight to a decision and instead, will need to explore possibilities, then evaluate the alternatives, then make decisions.

These essential three steps are frequently rushed, so practice allowing the time to nurture what the process needs. To facilitate a group through large decisions it is likely you won’t have time (or the necessary requirements) within a single meeting. Consider three separate meetings, one for each purpose and design your meetings to encourage that outcome:

In the first meeting, meant to explore possibilities, imagination, innovation and creativity are welcome.
In the second meeting, meant to evaluate the alternatives, critical thinking, analysis and budget knowledge are welcome.
In the third meeting, meant to make decisions, negotiation and compromise are welcome.

Take Time To Design Your Meetings!

As you can see, how you design your meeting sets the stage for how it will go. When you design your meeting with clear purpose and intention, it’s likely to evoke less conflict and promote more efficiency and productivity during the meeting and for the team.

Your Job is to Unlock the Answers Within

Foundation of Agile Coaching

Asking powerful questions over giving advice is the foundation of a coaching approach.

The days of the rambling monologue are over. Thankfully. Agile team leaders today are expected to stimulate conversation and collaboration. As Forbes Magazine describes, “today’s great leaders understand how to unlock hidden value and unleash creativity and passion with the use of well-timed questions.”

Timing of Questions

Knowing when to ask a question is a useful skill.

Knowing how to ask a powerful question is a critical skill.

Asking powerful questions over giving advice is the foundation of a coaching approach. Whether the coaching is a one-on-one coaching conversation or a team-coaching conversation, the belief is the same: People have their own answers within. They are naturally creative, resourceful and complete. Leaders, like coaches, who hold this belief seek to unlock other’s perspectives, contributions and answers.

The Role of the “Unlocker”

This starts with assuming good intent, i.e., the person is doing his or her best. Assuming good intent is inherent to effective listening. Effective listening will:

Suspend judgment and communicate curiosity and respect
Channel the attention
Bring to the surface any underlying assumptions
Invite new possibilities
Generate energy and forward movement

Ultimately, when done well, a coaching conversation using effective listening creates deep meaning and evokes more powerful questions.

Some skeptics doubt the value of powerful questions. It could be that they don’t hold the belief that people have their own answers within. As Peter Drucker, well-known management consultant, educator and author says, “Asking questions invites creativity, is empowering, and inspires us to consider alternatives…[it] helps us to calibrate and access our own capability to solve problems…building our self-confidence and self-efficacy.” Let’s look at what happens when we ask powerful questions.

What Makes a Question Powerful?

It’s short. It is only 7 words or less.
It’s open-ended. It cannot be answered with a yes or no.
It focuses on the future, rather than the past.
It starts with “What” or “How”.

What Makes a Question Less Powerful or Not Powerful At All?

It starts with “Why”. To some people, the word “Why”, sounds blaming (flashback to “Why did you spill your milk?!”) and they can take a defensive stance, even without meaning to.
It is closed-ended or seeks to gather data that the person already knows, and doesn’t require any reflection.

A: “How many people are on your team?”

B: “Ten.”

A: “How long have you been doing that?”

B: “Two years.”

These are not inherently bad questions, but they are stronger when followed by a powerful question.

A: “How many people are on your team?”

B: “Ten.”

A: “What is your pattern with this team?” *

B: “I tend to let the two most outspoken people dominate.”

A: “How long have you been doing that?”

B: “Two years.”

A: “What works well about using that method?” *

B: “Some team members have started coming to the meetings more prepared to speak up.”

Notice the two questions with * are open-ended and more powerful, especially when following a closed-ended or data gathering question. Other elements, tones, or unintended stances that a close-ended question reveals:

The question asker is looking for a specific answer or tone (even inadvertently).
The question asker stops listening and responds to his or her own question, sometimes not leaving any space for the other to respond.
“What could we do about tomorrow’s meeting? I’m only asking because I think we should…”
The question is not a question at all, it’s a suggestion or disguised opinion. We call them “que-gestions!” Beware of anybody who starts a question that way!
“Don’t you think you should pick this option?”
“Doesn’t it seem obvious that you are heading in the wrong direction?”

Instead, prepare to inspire a great conversation by having a few powerful and versatile questions in your back pocket. Here are some to get started, but remember, the best questions come from careful listening and deep curiosity.

Powerful Questions

What is important about that?
What’s frustrating you?
What’s inspiring you?
What help do you need?
What makes you see it that way?
How could that go wrong?
How will you know when you’ve achieved that?
How will you plan for success?
How are others seeing the situation?
How will this impact others?

Practice Asking the Right Questions

As you practice using powerful questions, notice how the conversation goes. Does it feel different than other conversations? In what way? Notice how much you can learn about the other person.

Did they tell you anything surprising? Notice where the other person takes the conversation…and remain curious.

As we coaches like to say… “Notice what you notice!”

Rich Understanding & Communication for Rich Results

Heineken’s new viral video has an important message about the role that container building and conversation plays in overcoming barriers and conflicts. Check it out…

Politics in the United States is providing us with a heightened sense of awareness about our differences. But these kinds of exchanges are not new, we’re just lately watching them on bigger screens.

Rich Conversations In The Workplace

How do we adapt and use these kinds of conversations in our workplace, day-to-day? Or for the teams that we serve? With a little proactive work, these are rich and valuable conversations that we can be fostering in our teams as well.

As team leaders or facilitators we’re helping teams daily to navigate conflict by finding the balance between inquiry and advocacy. Heineken’s video demonstrates some useful tools that we’ll break down for you further on in the post.

Let us just say this:

Laying the Groundwork and Engaging in Different Kinds of Conversations Does Take More Time!

The results for the team are richer understanding between team members, higher quality outcomes, and improved velocity.

What would that look like?

The same conversation that keeps happening at each meeting due to the same unresolved conflicts would be eliminated. The habit of not listening and talking past one another? Gone.

How about by talking with and listening to each other, team members will actually achieve the results you know you and your team are capable of producing? It is that satisfaction and achievement that builds momentum inside a group.

If you haven’t seen the video by now, definitely watch it before you move on to help identify how you might prepare your team for these kinds of conversations.

Lay the Groundwork for Rich Communication

Step one:

In order to work with conflict, teams can’t just dive into the deep end of the pool. They need to spend time laying the groundwork. And, to be clear, laying the groundwork is not a one time task; it’s ongoing.

Here are some principles to keep in mind:

Get to know one another as people. We each have dreams, hopes, fears and challenges. When we put labels on people we start to view them as a concept or idea to be debated or defeated. When we take the time to know others as people first, rather than the label we’ve placed on them, it shifts our perspective.

Find Common Ground

When we start by acknowledging the things that we are aligned with, then we can build from there.
When we start from disagreement, it’s harder to find alignment and we become stuck in the back and forth nature of conflict: where one person “must be” right and the other “must be” wrong.
When we can find common ground, even if is just a shared value, there is an energy created from alignment. The alignment can move the conversation forward with more depth and meaning.

Work Together on a Task

When teams come together they need a purpose. Simply put, a common task provides that common ground and creates a feeling of forward progress and achievement that they can attain, and feel together. Resulting in a very positive foundation for a high performing team.

Engage in a conversation

Step 2:

When you lay the groundwork you create an enabling environment that supports more difficult conversations. Here are some principles to think about:

Aim For Dialogue

Dialogue is a specific kind of conversation. It’s ‘in the flow of meaning’ participants actively seek to deepen understanding beyond what they already know. In dialogue there is balance between inquiry and advocacy.

Voice Your Authentic View

In order to be in dialogue, we need to know what’s really true for others. Holding back or filtering what we say does not help to further the conversation. It only gets the group lost in trying to decipher what you’re saying, from what you really intend.

Inquire: Ask Powerful Questions

Powerful questions are short, often start with “What” or “How” and inquire about the other. When we come from a place of ‘knowing’ versus the place of inquiry we miss out on the opportunities to learn and find places of alignment and empathy.

Questions like “What’s it like to be you?” “What’s important about this?” or “What are three things we have in common?” are powerful inquiries!

By focusing on similarities and common tasks to be achieved, it’s easier for team members to remember they are actually on the same team. When the communication is strong and the inquiry level is high, more challenging conversations can be held without dissension and without defensiveness.

Next, Take a Look at Your Team

In order to help you activate these two powerful steps, take a few minutes and identify:

Where do you encounter similar types of conversations, as the video illustrated, at work?
Where do you need a different kind of conversation?
What’s one thing you could do today that might lay the groundwork?
Where does conflict exist in your team?
When conflicts or differences emerge in your team think about how you might apply some lessons from either the Heineken video, or the steps above.

You and your team can build strength and trust when you lay the groundwork and then engage in conversation in an ongoing manner. Breakthroughs and solutions come from better understanding. So do better team results.