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inspire great conversation

5 Ways to Encourage More Thinking-Together Conversations in Your Organization

“Don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions” 

Sound familiar? This common phrase, passed down from generation to generation of executives and managers, was once believed to be the key to delegating and enrolling others in finding solutions to problems encountered in the workplace. 

But it doesn’t work. 

In fact, this monologic mindset – or one way conversation:

  • hinders learning and understanding about the problem itself
  • creates narrowly defined, unsustainable solutions
  • sets leaders and teams up to debate proposed solutions rather than fostering inquiry and innovation

Organizations are no longer served by solutions that are generated by one or two people. The dilemmas we face today and the change needed to create sustainable solutions  are simply too complex. They require multiple perspectives, a whole-systems view, and the ability to test small changes where the organization can learn and adapt to emergent needs. 

We need leaders who cultivate opportunities to think together through more dialogue and less monologue. 

 Thinking-Together Conversations

Leaders: It’s Time for Meaningful Dialogue

One of the biggest challenges executives face is creating space for dialogue, and yet it’s only through the process of meaningful, two-way conversation that new thinking can emerge and change initiatives can take flight. 

So, what does real, open, generative dialogue actually look like in an organizational setting? I have found the model of what I call a Thinking Together Conversation to be the most effective way to  productively engage with a problem and invite creative thinking for a new solution. 

Thinking Together Conversations require genuine curiosity from all parties, as well as the belief that collective thinking will tap into collective intelligence and yield better solutions to a dilemma.  

5 Ways to Foster More Thinking-Together Conversations in Your Organization 

1 Frame the Problem or Dilemma to Think Together 

Be clear about the context and the background of the problem. What are the facts? What’s the impact this is having on the organization? On the people? On the metrics? What role might each person play that contributes to the current state? 

2 Invite Difference and a Safe Space for Dialogue

If you hold some level of authority or seniority in the conversation and you are not hearing a point of view that is different from yours then you should be deeply curious about why that is. When different points of view—opposing views, are missing from the conversation do not assume that there are none. Instead make it safe for others to offer a different point of view by openly inviting them. You might say – “Who sees it differently?” “What are we missing?” “What kind of risk does this open up for us?” If you’re still not hearing it, then invite people to contribute ideas anonymously – if you’re meeting online you can open up a collaboration tool and just ask everyone to share their thoughts and build on what they see others contributing. 

Remember, a Thinking Together Conversation is not about solving the problem right off the bat. It’s about learning, understanding, and fostering an environment where a solution can be thoughtfully (and more effectively) co-created. Your goal is to help people stay in conversation with one another. This is accomplished by creating a space where people feel they are valued, trustworthy, and where they can share openly and candidly their perspective. 

3 Suspend Having an Answer in Order to be Curious and Candid

Suspend the desire or need to start with answers or solutions. That will create advocacy rather than inquiry. Instead, clear your mind and come to the conversation with genuine curiosity and open inquiry. Be ready to hear and engage with different perspectives from your own. Be prepared to be candid about your own observations and experiences while remaining curious about your teams’ perspectives. You’ll be able to pull off what David Kantor calls the act of “Bystand”—a morally neutral observation about what’s happening. This is where you share what you notice from a place of inquiry and better understanding.

4 Host “Listening and Learning” Sessions to Encourage Dialogue 

At the very heart of dialogue is the act of listening. This does not mean reloading your talking point while hearing the words someone else is saying. It is focused, non-distracted, deep listening. In this state, you are able to suspend your own thinking and can be open to really hearing another point of view. You are listening to the words spoken and the words not spoken. You are listening for depth, values, context, what’s important, and the meaning behind the words.  

As a leader, ask to participate in team conversations and request permission to just listen and learn—and not have to provide solutions. Listen and inquire from a place of curiosity.

5 Ban Powerpoint As They Do Not Support Conversations

Powerpoints do not support conversation. They support a monologue—a one-way download; a lecture or presentation. There is very rarely any new thinking that comes from a Powerpoint presentation. In fact, when a Powerpoint is present, we have been trained to slip into “receive mode” and, in essence, disengage from our own perspective or opinion. Inevitably, people will roll their eyes and simply say, ‘Just tell me what you want me to do.”

Try banning Powerpoint and invite a Thinking Together Conversation instead. 

Thinking-Together Conversations and Accessing the Power of Collective Intelligence

Problem solving – and the solutions to the problem, will take on a whole new meaning and purpose when people at all levels of the organization have the opportunity to think together and access the power of collective intelligence that exists within every organization. 

Leaders, this way of thinking and engaging with one another starts with you. 

Speaking Truth to Power: How to Talk to Your Boss in a Way That Works

A common question among managers and agile coaches learning the skills of coaching others is, “How do I coach up”? In other words, “how do I coach my boss to be a better boss and tell them that I think they are the problem?” 

There are two common reasons this question arises: the first is that there has been a specific interaction that has left someone feeling deflated or demoralized. Perhaps they were not heard and understood, or they didn’t like the way they were spoken to. The second reason is that they feel unsupported in their work, or maybe feel like they are being told to lead change while their boss’s behavior keeps rewarding old patterns instead. 

This second scenario is part of a bigger issue—and one where it seems like the boss is the “problem.” Instead of creating change, it feels like you’re just slogging through the mud and getting your foot stuck with each step. 

But chances are, what’s going on is not something that can be solved as simply as the concept of “coaching up.” In fact, there’s no such thing as “coaching up.” If what you’re actually looking for is the opportunity to give feedback about a specific incident, this is a feedback conversation. But when you’re addressing a bigger, systemic issue, it’s time for something more. Instead of trying to “coach up” or give feedback, try inviting your boss to a Thinking Together Conversation. 

Speaking Truth to Power: How to Talk to Your Boss in a Way That Works

The Dark Side of Feedback

What’s missing most from feedback conversations in organizations today is the notion of inquiry. So many of us come into a conversation locked and loaded with our own perspective and the desire to just put our idea out on the table and have it heard. We expect the other person to make sense of what we’ve said and then take the action we desire. 

While direct and candid feedback has a place and purpose, the common one-way delivery of one person’s experience can be unbalanced. It assumes that one person has the complete picture, that one person’s ideas are more “right” than the other’s, and that spending time asking someone else for their perspective or input is a waste of time. 

This quick, get-in-and-get-out feedback style is what I call “driveby feedback.” It’s not really a conversation at all—it’s a one-way “download.”

No one wants to be told that they’re “doing it wrong,” and if you start from a place of assuming you know what the problem is—and only focus on telling your boss what they are doing wrong and what they need to do more of—it’s a monologic approach that makes you right and them wrong. You’ve invited them into a debate and set them up to either defend the actions they’ve taken or worse yet, just check out within the first few seconds of your conversation. 

A Thinking Together Conversation: Speaking Truth!

So, what’s a Thinking Together Conversation and why does it matter? You’re thinking together with your boss in a way that can create real change.

Thinking Together Conversations require 

  • all parties to come to the conversation with genuine curiosity 
  • the assumption that solving the current problem or dilemma cannot be done by just one person 
  • a broader, shared understanding of what’s happening

In a Thinking Together Conversation we

  • bring questions instead of solutions
  • invite others into a dialogue instead of a monologue 
  • support the purpose of learning together to craft a better solution
  • engage in inquiry
  • engage in a real, meaningful conversation that can shift something important to the dynamic 

3 Steps to a Thinking Together Conversation with your Leader: Speaking Truth

Here are some action steps you can take to invite a Thinking Together Conversation: 

Step 1: Be clear about your intention.

Why do you want to have this conversation? How do you want to show up in it? 

If your answer to either of these questions comes from a place of wanting to reprimand, punish, or blame your boss, then do some work on your own thinking before asking to have a conversation. Coming from that place will not serve anyone, and it definitely does not promote curiosity.

If, however, you’re coming from a place of genuine curiosity and seeking to understand—with a belief that there is more than one side to what’s going on—you’ll be in a much better position to start a real conversation. If you are willing to engage in a way that’s open to hearing different perspectives, both you and your boss will likely learn new information. From there, you will be far more likely to be able to create a new solution together. 

Step 2: Create an invitation.

Invite your boss into a conversation for learning and exploration. 

Behind every dilemma are multiple truths and perspectives about what’s creating the current situation. So make it inviting for you and your boss to want to come to the table. 

Imagine that you’d received the results of a 12-month engagement survey suggesting that your boss’ lack of engagement was impeding progress. You could give driveby feedback that would get you nowhere, or you could create an invitation:  

  • “We just got the survey results back. I would love to have a conversation with you about it and get your thoughts.” 
  • “I notice that the engagement survey shows a ‘lack of engagement by senior management’ as the greatest barrier to our performance. I’m curious what you make of that?”

Understand that when managers are invited to a conversation, they are often expected to solve a problem or have some solution immediately. Instead of replicating that dynamic, try inviting them to a conversation for learning and understanding. Together, you might co-create a solution. 

Step 3: Be prepared to offer your observations. 

This can be one of the most challenging aspects of a Thinking Together Conversation. It requires you to both be curious about your boss’s experience and perspective and candid about your own observations. David Kantor calls this the speech act of Bystand—a morally neutral observation about what’s happening.  To pull it off, you need to be prepared to share what you notice. Pulling from the scenario described above, here’s an example of how you might offer a morally neutral observation about what you see happening while remaining curious about what’s happening for your boss:

  • “Would it be helpful if I shared what I’ve observed? You asked that we schedule more collaborative planning meetings and include you. We now have these meetings booked every two weeks. However,  you have attended 2 of 12 meetings in the past 6 months, and it’s left the team feeling confused and unmotivated. What’s happening on your end that’s pulling you away from these meetings? 

Thinking Together Conversations move us away from looking for someone to blame and hold us accountable to the kind of inquiry that supports meaningful dialogue. When we seek to understand multiple perspectives and learn more about what’s happening in the current situation, it’s much easier to discover a new solution that might not exist yet. It’s an effective way of speaking truth to power while creating space for real results.

Speaking Truth: How to Talk to Your Boss in a Way That Works  

Need leadership advice, help, or support? 

Come join our online community of leaders! 

Defining Moments of Leadership is waiting for you to join. 

Real leaders. Great questions. Thoughtful answers! 

Aaron Smith on the courage of speaking truth to power

If this topic resonated with you, we encourage you to listen to this podcast with Aaron Smith!

 

How Daring to Dialogue Improves Performance and Create a Culture of Agility

How Daring to Dialogue Improves Performance and Creates a Culture of Agility

A keynote presented at AGILE AND SCRUM 2021 Online Conference #agilecon2021

Enjoy!

~Marsha

Your Job is to Unlock the Answers Within

 

Foundation of Agile Coaching

Asking powerful questions over giving advice is the foundation of a coaching approach.

The days of the rambling monologue are over. Thankfully. Agile team leaders today are expected to stimulate conversation and collaboration. As Forbes Magazine describes, “today’s great leaders understand how to unlock hidden value and unleash creativity and passion with the use of well-timed questions.”

Timing of Questions

Knowing when to ask a question is a useful skill.

Knowing how to ask a powerful question is a critical skill.  

Asking powerful questions over giving advice is the foundation of a coaching approach.  Whether the coaching is a one-on-one coaching conversation or a team-coaching conversation, the belief is the same: People have their own answers within. They are naturally creative, resourceful and complete.  Leaders, like coaches, who hold this belief seek to unlock other’s perspectives, contributions and answers.   

The Role of the “Unlocker”

This starts with assuming good intent, i.e., the person is doing his or her best.  Assuming good intent is inherent to effective listening.  Effective listening will:

  • Suspend judgment and communicate curiosity and respect
  • Channel the attention
  • Bring to the surface any underlying assumptions
  • Invite new possibilities
  • Generate energy and forward movement

Ultimately, when done well, a coaching conversation using effective listening creates deep meaning and evokes more powerful questions.

Some skeptics doubt the value of powerful questions.  It could be that they don’t hold the belief that people have their own answers within.  As Peter Drucker, well-known management consultant, educator and author says, “Asking questions invites creativity, is empowering, and inspires us to consider alternatives…[it] helps us to calibrate and access our own capability to solve problems…building our self-confidence and self-efficacy.” Let’s look at what happens when we ask powerful questions.

What Makes a Question Powerful?  

  • It’s short.  It is only 7 words or less.
  • It’s open-ended. It cannot be answered with a yes or no.
  • It focuses on the future, rather than the past.
  • It starts with “What” or “How”.

What Makes a Question Less Powerful or Not Powerful At All?

  • It starts with “Why”.  To some people, the word “Why”, sounds blaming (flashback to “Why did you spill your milk?!”) and they can take a defensive stance, even without meaning to.
  • It is closed-ended or seeks to gather data that the person already knows, and doesn’t require any reflection.

          A: “How many people are on your team?”

         B: “Ten.”

         A: “How long have you been doing that?”

         B: “Two years.”

These are not inherently bad questions, but they are stronger when followed by a powerful question.  

        A: “How many people are on your team?”

        B: “Ten.”

        A: “What is your pattern with this team?” *

        B: “I tend to let the two most outspoken people dominate.”

        A: “How long have you been doing that?”

        B: “Two years.”

        A: “What works well about using that method?” *

        B: “Some team members have started coming to the meetings more prepared to speak up.”  

Notice the two questions with * are open-ended and more powerful, especially when following a closed-ended or data gathering question.  Other elements, tones, or unintended stances that a close-ended question reveals:

  • The question asker is looking for a specific answer or tone (even inadvertently).
  • The question asker stops listening and responds to his or her own question, sometimes not leaving any space for the other to respond.
             “What could we do about tomorrow’s meeting? I’m only asking because I think we should…”
  • The question is not a question at all, it’s a suggestion or disguised opinion. We call them “que-gestions!”  Beware of anybody who starts a question that way!  
             “Don’t you think you should pick this option?”
             “Doesn’t it seem obvious that you are heading in the wrong direction?”  

Instead, prepare to inspire a great conversation by having a few powerful and versatile questions in your back pocket.  Here are some to get started, but remember, the best questions come from careful listening and deep curiosity.

Powerful Questions

  • What is important about that?
  • What’s frustrating you?
  • What’s inspiring you?
  • What help do you need?
  • What makes you see it that way?
  • How could that go wrong?
  • How will you know when you’ve achieved that?
  • How will you plan for success?
  • How are others seeing the situation?
  • How will this impact others?

Practice Asking the Right Questions

As you practice using powerful questions, notice how the conversation goes. Does it feel different than other conversations? In what way? Notice how much you can learn about the other person.

Did they tell you anything surprising? Notice where the other person takes the conversation…and remain curious.

As we coaches like to say… “Notice what you notice!”

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Recent Posts

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  • Why Thinking you Need to Have All the Answers is Counterproductive for your Team
  • How to Welcome Disagreement Within Your Team (and mean it)
  • How to Welcome Team Opposition from a Space of Confidence and Curiosity
  • Why a Difference of Opinion Makes Your Team Much More Effective

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