Mentoring

How Leadership Mastery Follows Consistency and Confidence

It seems so simple.

To become a “master” leader you need to work on both consistency and confidence skills. Right?

But what happens if you are stuck on either the consistency part or the confidence part? How do you move forward to gain a level of masterful leadership? How can you have a transformative, empowered leadership experience?

It’s about the people you are surrounded by! Therefore, choose wisely.

Mastery is gained when you take the time to learn from and interact with leaders, when you practice your skills over and over with peers, when you listen to mentors, when you put into action new ideas and concepts.

Here are five (groups of) people in your life who can help you achieve mastery in leadership.

1 Peers

Those who are in the trenches with you have lots to offer. Together, you can collaborate on methods and put into practice what you learn.

Other ways to learn from peers include:

Bounce ideas off of each other
Collaborate on projects
Ask for peer advice (What would you do…)
Mastermind meetings

2 Team

Whether you are leading a team, part of an executive team, or both, don’t think for a minute you aren’t learning anything! Being part of a team allows you to practice leadership skills such as conflict resolution, coaching and yes, how to effectively lead meetings.

Being an active participant in a team, or leading a team is one of the best ways to gain mastery in leadership.

3 Group

Group activities, and online communities with peers, are great ways to gain mastery in leadership. Starting conversations, leading discussions, resolving conflict and practicing the art of listening are all ways to gain mastery in leadership.

Group activities can be centered around a specific industry, learning unit, career move, competency, leadership skill or even a favorite podcast!

Being part of a group of like-minded leaders will assist you in becoming a better leader.

4 Mentor

Where would you be without a mentor?

If you think back about how you got started in your industry, who encouraged you? Who challenged you? Who supported you… that’s your mentor.

What would you do without a mentor?

When you think ahead of where you want to go, who is already there in that space and who is willing to talk to you about career moves, your next challenge and encourage you to forge ahead… that’s your mentor.

Finding and working with a mentor is rewarding and can be life changing.

5 Coach

While a mentor takes you under their wing and doles out advice when it’s needed, a coach gives you a plan to work, a plan to implement on a consistent basis.

Without a coach, getting to the next level of leadership and mastering the most difficult of situations can feel…an impossible level to attain.

Partnering with the right coach as you develop leadership skills will save you time and effort, and potentially give you a more direct path to mastery.

Mastery in Leadership Comes from Working with a Variety of People

In order to lead people, you need to interact with your teams, and when leading people, you need to learn from peers, mentors and coaches.

In short, to lead people you need to listen to people!

How can you gain mastery of agile team coaching in the shortest amount of time?

You can gain leadership mastery by doing the work, of course.

TeamCatapult has developed a journey to masterful coaching for leaders just like you.

A Cohort Journey to Masterful Agile Team Coaching

The Coaching Agility From Within Cohort, our in-depth, 9-month program emphasizes rigorous practice and rich feedback opportunities including skill drills, peer coaching, team coaching, ongoing group work, professional one-on-one coaching, and one-on-one supervision of actual Agile coaching sessions in your own work environment.

You’ll touch on all aspects of coaching, including

skill drills
peer coaching
team coaching
ongoing group work
professional one-on-one coaching
one-on-one supervision of actual Agile coaching sessions in your own work environment

Our cohort program has two starting dates each calendar year; one in the Spring, one in the Fall.

We understand the commitment it requires to be dedicated to a 9-month leadership cohort. Questions may bubble up like, “Is this right for me. Is this the right time?” Therefore we invite you to a conversation about our cohort, whether you are ready to join now, this Fall, or in the next year or two!

Effective Mentorships

Who is your most memorable or impactful mentor? I find it hard to identify just one. I count myself as fortunate to have several people I could put on that list! So what makes a mentor impactful for you?

I met Sree during a facilitation class and a few months later we reconnected again during our coaching class. She shared with me a blog she recently wrote on her experience of being a mentor and mentee and I asked her if I could share it! What’s important about these relationships is that like any good relationship the effectiveness comes in the design and being clear about your intentions. Here’s some guidance from Sree, hope you enjoy!

~Marsha Acker

Mentoring has been one of the most rewarding parts of my career. I was fortunate to have some awesome mentors and had an opportunity to mentor others as well. Here are some of the lessons learned during my mentorship journey in a professional context.

What is Mentoring?

I recently attended “Agile Coaching” training by TeamCatapult. It is one of the best trainings I have attended and it changed the way I looked at mentoring. Per the definition provided in that training – “Mentoring is providing wisdom and guidance based on experience in the subject matter at hand, in order to support others in the quest to make sense of their world.” One of the key takeaways from that training – “As a mentor, ask thought-provoking questions and help find mentee generated solutions instead of just giving advice. Mentoring works best when advising is kept to a minimum.”

If I look back, as a mentor, I have mostly given a lot of advice and failed to ask powerful questions. This is one thing I am going to definitely change going forward.

Why Do You Need a Mentor/Mentee?

Being a mentor, you would get a chance to share your expertise and help someone else in their career journey. You would get to hear some of the challenges you might not have faced and have an opportunity to help mentee explore solutions. Improves your listening and leadership skills. You would be able to expand your impact to beyond your immediate team. Most importantly, it is a way to pay it forward and personally I found it to be very gratifying to be a mentor. You can read more about one of my mentorship experiences here.

Being a mentee, you would be able to learn from experts in your area. Helps you learn different ways to deal with things and offers you a different perspective. Helps you expand your professional network. I did not seek out mentors until recently and realize what a missed opportunity that is. I should have seeked out mentors earlier in my career.

You don’t necessarily need to have a mentor if you need advice for technical issues. You can ask any SME for advice for technical issues. Power of mentorship comes into play because of the safe space that is provided which enables you to share sensitive/conflicting situations. The most benefit I received was when I was in a very tough situation at work and I could not share the details with anyone. Luckily I built a trusting relationship with my mentor and was able to share the details and get much-needed advice at that time.

Types of Mentorship Engagement

Here are different types of mentorship engagements based on my experience:

Time bound – limited for a specific duration – a month, 6 months etc.
Goal based – Getting support for a specific goal like completing a project or getting your next promotion etc.
Need based – ongoing mentorship where you have a mentor to be your sounding board whenever there is a need.

How to Find a Mentor/Mentee?

If you are looking for a mentor, identify your goals from the mentorship engagement. Find a subject matter expert within your team or outside your team or from a different company. Advantage of having a mentor from your company is that they will be able to guide you based on your company culture. Pick someone outside of your immediate team so that you would get a chance to see how other teams operate and learn a different perspective.
You can have multiple mentors however be mindful about it since it is a time commitment both on your side and the mentor’s side. I had mentors both within my team and outside my team. That worked well for me. Depending on the topic I needed help with, I was able to get guidance from one of the mentors.
Another option to find a mentor is through your company’s official mentorship program, if there is one.

If you are looking for a mentee, check with your team members to see if anyone needs a mentor. Reach out to new employees and offer to be a mentor. Sign up for your company’s official mentorship program if there is one.

Tips to Be an Effective Mentor

“The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.” — Steven Spielberg

This quote perfectly summarizes how you need to approach mentorship.

Here are some tips:

Be available when your mentee needs you. If at any point of time, you are unable to give the mentee the time they need, be candid about it and suggest that they find a different mentor or recommend someone else that can make the time to help.
Provide a safe and trusting space for your mentee to share his/her problems.
Give the mentoring relationship some time to evolve.
Let the mentee drive the agenda.
Set boundaries on your time availability.
If any topics are out of bounds, say so.
Similar to coaching, before giving advice, ask powerful questions to help the mentee come up with his/her own solution. Here are a couple of sites with some powerful questions:
- Co-active coaching toolkit
- 16 Powerful Questions Coaches Ask Their Clients To Help Achieve Their Goals
Keep your advice to a minimum and do not be attached to your advice.
Ask the mentee if he/she wants to be held accountable for any action items and if yes, then ask for specific next steps and dates. Follow up on the action items as agreed.
If you are unable to help the mentee with their goals, try to put your mentee in touch with someone that can help them.

Tips For a Mentee

Set goals about what you want to achieve from the mentorship. Ex: improve public speaking skills, improve leadership skills etc.
Be proactive and drive the mentoring relationship.
Define your expectations – ex: time commitment you would require from the mentor, meet in person or on phone etc.
If you do not know who would be a good mentor for you, ask your manager for suggestions.
Not all mentorship relationships work for various reasons. It is important to evaluate if the mentorship is actually adding value to you or not and if not, then discuss with your mentor and figure out the best course of action – either change the goals or change the mentor. Do not give up on mentorship if this happens.
Respect your mentors time. If you have agreed on next steps, follow through.

Hope this inspires you to find a mentor/mentee if you don’t already have one. You don’t necessarily need to have an official mentor/mentee relationship. I have some colleagues that I look up to and they have unofficially mentored me. Identify who those people are and nurture your mentoring relationship with them.

This post was first published on Technical Program Manager on December 24, 2019.

Intentional Listening Means Being Curious

Are We Listening? Maybe. But How?

Chances are good that we don’t think much about how we listen. We just do it as we always have.

Maybe when we were younger, we were told to be quiet while someone else was speaking. Maybe we listen harder when we hear someone purposefully whispering or talking about us. The truth is, we generally don’t listen with the intention to do it well or to be helpful.

When we don’t know how to or don’t try to listen well, the conversation may not often go much beyond small talk. We may divert the conversation away from what the speaker wanted to say or cut it off before something important is said. We may even be unhelpful when we divert the conversation back to ourselves.

Add Curiosity To Your Listening

If you’re thinking listening is hard with certain people, keep reading, there is good news! The good news is that to have curiosity in a conversation is simply a relief! It means that you don’t need the answers. You can slow down and relax into the conversation, and simply rely on your innate sense of curiosity.

The first step to listening mastery is to be aware of our tendencies. In other words, knowing how we usually listen. Once we know that, we can try to improve it. Having a framework helps, of course!

So, here’s the framework we teach at TeamCatapult.

Framework for Listening

There are three levels of listening, according to “Co-Active Coaching: Changing Business, Transforming Lives” by Henry and Karen Kimsey-House.

Level I is called “Internal Listening”
Level II is called “Focused Listening”
Level III is called “Global Listening”

Internal Listening

This is the most common form, so you may recognize it. While we’re listening to someone else, we’re actually paying attention to our own thoughts. Our responses tend to be about ourselves, not the other person. Some examples are:

A: “I just went to Spain last week.”

B: “Oh, nice! I love Spain! I was there about 3 years ago.”

And, if we do ask a question, it tends to ask for data, something the person can answer pretty easily, usually with a “yes” or “no”.

A: “I was in Barcelona”

B: “Oh, did you go to the Sagrada Familia? That’s my favorite place there.”

Here is a work-related example of Level 1 listening:

A: “I need to talk to you about my team.”

B: “You and everyone else. My teams are falling behind this week too.”

A: “I’d like to try something new.”

B: “Have you already talked to John about it?”

Focused Listening

The objective is to listen for meaning (content, empathy, clarification, collaboration). If we ask a question, it continues the thread that was already started and hopefully, causes the person to share again.

A: “I just went to Spain last week.”

B: “Oh, nice! What attracted you to Spain?”

A: “My son just finished a semester there.”

B: “Wonderful. How did he like it?”

And, a work-related example of Level II listening:

A: “I need to talk to you about my team.”

B: “Okay, what’s going on?”

A: “I’d like to try something new.”

B: “Say more, I’m curious.”

Notice that in Level II listening, the focus remains on the person speaking. The listener may have thoughts about how the topic relates to him or her, but still keeps the focus on the other person.

Global Listening

The conversation objective is to listen for depth (intent, emotion and intuition). At this level of listening, sometimes we hear what isn’t said, or we notice something about the way in which something is said. We may notice facial expressions, changes in tone or body language.

A: “I just went to Spain last week.”

B: “Oh, nice! What attracted you to Spain?”

A: “My son just finished a semester there.”

B: “I noticed your whole face lit up when you said that!”

A: “I always wanted my children to have an international experience, so I’m just thrilled!”

And, for that work conversation:

A: “I need to talk to you about my team.”

B: “Okay. You seem stressed. What’s going on?”

A: “Yeah, I am very stressed out.”

B: “How could I help you release some stress before we talk about your team?”

Careful and Intentional Listening

As an Agile coach, we aim to be helpful and being helpful requires careful and intentional listening. That’s why it’s a fundamental skill to master. Not only will the skill of listening help you in professional settings, but it works wonders with a spouse, children and friends too. It starts with listening in ways that suspend judgment and communicate curiosity and respect.

When we master listening, we are able to reach new levels of conversations, likely deeper and more meaningful ones. We can even help someone learn about him or herself too. This is important because our role as Agile Coach is not to teach or give answers but to facilitate self-awareness and draw out the knowledge, creativity and resourcefulness that is already within someone.

Although the “Global Listening” may not feel natural at first, the good news is that it’s possible to practice the three levels of listening in every single conversation! Notice what level you usually use, then challenge yourself to move up one level and stay there for as long as you can. If you slip back into level I by talking about yourself, that’s okay. It’s common. Just notice it and go back to level II listening, staying focused on the other person.

Practice The Three Levels of Listening!

As you practice this, notice how the conversation goes. Does it feel different than other conversations? In what way? Notice how much you can learn about the other person. Did they tell you anything surprising? Notice where the other person takes the conversation and remain curious. As we coaches like to say… “Notice what you notice!”

Your Job is to Unlock the Answers Within

Foundation of Agile Coaching

Asking powerful questions over giving advice is the foundation of a coaching approach.

The days of the rambling monologue are over. Thankfully. Agile team leaders today are expected to stimulate conversation and collaboration. As Forbes Magazine describes, “today’s great leaders understand how to unlock hidden value and unleash creativity and passion with the use of well-timed questions.”

Timing of Questions

Knowing when to ask a question is a useful skill.

Knowing how to ask a powerful question is a critical skill.

Asking powerful questions over giving advice is the foundation of a coaching approach. Whether the coaching is a one-on-one coaching conversation or a team-coaching conversation, the belief is the same: People have their own answers within. They are naturally creative, resourceful and complete. Leaders, like coaches, who hold this belief seek to unlock other’s perspectives, contributions and answers.

The Role of the “Unlocker”

This starts with assuming good intent, i.e., the person is doing his or her best. Assuming good intent is inherent to effective listening. Effective listening will:

Suspend judgment and communicate curiosity and respect
Channel the attention
Bring to the surface any underlying assumptions
Invite new possibilities
Generate energy and forward movement

Ultimately, when done well, a coaching conversation using effective listening creates deep meaning and evokes more powerful questions.

Some skeptics doubt the value of powerful questions. It could be that they don’t hold the belief that people have their own answers within. As Peter Drucker, well-known management consultant, educator and author says, “Asking questions invites creativity, is empowering, and inspires us to consider alternatives…[it] helps us to calibrate and access our own capability to solve problems…building our self-confidence and self-efficacy.” Let’s look at what happens when we ask powerful questions.

What Makes a Question Powerful?

It’s short. It is only 7 words or less.
It’s open-ended. It cannot be answered with a yes or no.
It focuses on the future, rather than the past.
It starts with “What” or “How”.

What Makes a Question Less Powerful or Not Powerful At All?

It starts with “Why”. To some people, the word “Why”, sounds blaming (flashback to “Why did you spill your milk?!”) and they can take a defensive stance, even without meaning to.
It is closed-ended or seeks to gather data that the person already knows, and doesn’t require any reflection.

A: “How many people are on your team?”

B: “Ten.”

A: “How long have you been doing that?”

B: “Two years.”

These are not inherently bad questions, but they are stronger when followed by a powerful question.

A: “How many people are on your team?”

B: “Ten.”

A: “What is your pattern with this team?” *

B: “I tend to let the two most outspoken people dominate.”

A: “How long have you been doing that?”

B: “Two years.”

A: “What works well about using that method?” *

B: “Some team members have started coming to the meetings more prepared to speak up.”

Notice the two questions with * are open-ended and more powerful, especially when following a closed-ended or data gathering question. Other elements, tones, or unintended stances that a close-ended question reveals:

The question asker is looking for a specific answer or tone (even inadvertently).
The question asker stops listening and responds to his or her own question, sometimes not leaving any space for the other to respond.
“What could we do about tomorrow’s meeting? I’m only asking because I think we should…”
The question is not a question at all, it’s a suggestion or disguised opinion. We call them “que-gestions!” Beware of anybody who starts a question that way!
“Don’t you think you should pick this option?”
“Doesn’t it seem obvious that you are heading in the wrong direction?”

Instead, prepare to inspire a great conversation by having a few powerful and versatile questions in your back pocket. Here are some to get started, but remember, the best questions come from careful listening and deep curiosity.

Powerful Questions

What is important about that?
What’s frustrating you?
What’s inspiring you?
What help do you need?
What makes you see it that way?
How could that go wrong?
How will you know when you’ve achieved that?
How will you plan for success?
How are others seeing the situation?
How will this impact others?

Practice Asking the Right Questions

As you practice using powerful questions, notice how the conversation goes. Does it feel different than other conversations? In what way? Notice how much you can learn about the other person.

Did they tell you anything surprising? Notice where the other person takes the conversation…and remain curious.

As we coaches like to say… “Notice what you notice!”